The following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner's violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him or her and how to best get myself and my children to safety. I will remember that past acts of violence are not an accurate predictor of future violence.
INDICATORS OF DANGER
• Previous violence, escalating in frequency and intensity ("It has been getting worse lately.")
• Drug/alcohol abuse
• Centrality of the battered woman ("You are his only reason for living, his emotional lifeline.")
• Homicidal threats/attempts — has he made any? Has he stated or showed you specific plans?
• Suicidal threats/attempts — Has he made specific plans with details on how this would take place?
• Lack of empathy with the victim about the abuse and pain inflicted he doesn't seem to care that you hurt.
• Explosive temper/violent outbursts outside the home and/or with others, and/or with children.
• Psychological problems or psychiatric diagnoses that he denies or refused to get help for, or refuses to take specific prescribed medications for such disorders as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, etc.
• Uses weapons/has weapons available and threatens to use the weapons — does he clean his gun in front of you?
• Feelings of hopelessness (i.e., "He can't live without you, etc.)
• Obsessive jealousy
Trust your gut feelings to guide your judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving him what he wants to calm him down until you can get away. Try to protect yourself until you are out of danger. Always remember: "You Do Not Deserve To Be Hit!" Work though the following steps to safety plan.
STEP 1:
Safety during a violent incident. Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies.
I can use some or all of the following strategies:
A. If I decide to leave, I will _______________________________
_____________________________________________________.
(Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes would you use?)
B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (place)
_________________________________in order to leave quickly.
C. I can tell _______________________ about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
I can also tell ________________________ about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
E. I will use _________________________ as my code with my children or my friends so they can call for help.
F. If I have to leave my home, I will go
________________________________________________
(Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time.)
If I cannot go to the location above, then I can go to
______________________________________________ or
__________________________________________________
G. I can also teach some of these strategies to some/all my children.
H. When I expect we are going to have an argument, I will try to move to a space that is lowest risk, such as
_____________________________________________. (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, and kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door.)
I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/her down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.
The following are items that you may need to take with you if you leave your abuser. None of these items are more important than your safety. If need be, they may be obtained at another time.
IDENTIFICATION AND OTHER IMPORTANT DOCUMENTATION:
• Driver's license or state I.D. card i Birth Certificates (yours and children)
• Orders of Protection/Restraining Orders a Divorce and Custody papers
• House deed or lease/rental agreement • Car registration/insurance
• Health/Life Insurance cards • Children's school/shot records
• Work permit, passport Documentation of disability
• Social Security cards or Social Security award letter
FINANCIAL:
• Money, bank cards, credit cards • Bank account information, checkbook
• Food stamps, Public Assistants card, Savings/investment documentation
IF DISABLED, CONSIDER INCLUDING THESE ITEMS:
• Adaptive equipment, assistive devices • Medications, doctor's orders
• Medical papers
• Contact information for medical providers, caseworkers, and other disability providers
• Mobility ID card, Special Transit ID card, or bus pass
GENERAL MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS:
• Car/office/house keys a Address book
• Sentimental and personal items a Toiletries
• Cell phone, communication devices a Children's toys, books
• Evidence of abuse (pictures, emails, letters) • Pictures of you, children, and abuser
Important Telephone Numbers
Nevada Domestic Violence 24-Hour Hotline: 1-800-500-1556
National Domestic Violence 24-Hour Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Local Numbers:
Police: 911
Domestic Violence Program: Safe Nest 702-646-4981
Adult Protective Services: 702-455-3400
Addendum to the Personalized Safety Plan
HELP YOURSELF STAY SAFE
If you are living in an abusive relationship and are not ready to leave or you have found yourself returning, you must keep yourself and your children safe. Whatever your reasons for staying or returning, you do not deserve to be abtised. If you decide to stay or return to your partner and
work things out, seek outside help. See a counselor who does not blame you for the abuse, and who puts your safety first. Contact a women's shelter, public health nurse, nursing station, or hospital to get recommendations for counseling.
SAVE MONEY
Save whatever money you can in a bank account which is in your name only. Keep the bank account information in a place where your partner won't find it. Many women are surprised at how quickly and suddenly they may be in an emergency situation. Save from the grocery money
or however you can if you don't have any other sources of income. Knowing that you have an emergency fund will help reduce your anxiety.
PREGNANCY
Do not get pregnant if you think that your relationship is not good and may become more abusive. Make sure you control your birth control method and that your birth control method works. Your partner may abuse you even more while you are pregnant - and after you give birth.
Pregnancy could also make it harder for you to leave. If you become pregnant and don't want to be, get counseling to discuss your options. If you are already pregnant, you can still follow these other survival measures.
SECRETS ARE HARMFUL
Don't be ashamed to discuss your problems with others who believe abuse is wrong.. You need support. There are still many people who believe, wrongly, that it is okay for a man to abuse his partner and that it is her fault if he does. Choose the people you talk with carefully and confide your arrangements with a select few.
HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR
Remember his behavior is based on power and control and is not your responsibility. Do not be ashamed to tell someone if he is abusing you. It is not your fault. If he abuses you he has a problem.
DEPROGRAMMING FROM NEGATIVE MESSAGES
You may have received negative messages about yourself. Now is the time to stop listening to these messages and to stop replaying them in your head. Instead, put in positive, hopeful messages about yourself, your future, and your children's future. Turn off the negative. Turn on
the positive. Don't believe what the batterer says or has said. It is his way to have power and control over you.
SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER
If is normal to feel depressed at this time of your life. Many women have the feeling that suicide is the only real option. Killing yourself may seem like the best escape. It is not. If you feel suicidal it's often the result of believing your partner's putdowns, denying your anger toward him
and turning it on yourself.
There are other options. There are shelters, crisis lines, and people who will help you if you reach out. If you do not find help at first, keep on looking and asking for help. You have a right to be angry at your situation. Use your anger to begin to take care of yourself
Faith and trust in yourself are important to feeling good about yourself. Face your feelings and fears. Praise yourself for what you do well. Have faith in your future. You can learn from your experiences. You can change your life.
EAT WELL AND REGULARLY EXERCISE
Your physical health affects the way you feel and your ability to cope with stress. To keep your body working at its peak, you must give it the necessary fuel. Eating well and regularly will also help keep you focused on your direction. Physical activity can help you have a better sense of well-being. Regular exercise done with others is best.
JOB SKILLS
If you have job skills it will be easier to be independent. If you need to develop job skills or upgrade ones you already have, do it as soon as possible. Consider a correspondence course or contact your nearest library for help. Even if you can't get a job or do not want one, you can do volunteer work. Volunteer work can help you develop more skills and it will introduce you to
people which will keep you from being isolated.
IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME
The most important thing is to make sure you and your children are safe. Do not leave your children unless you must go very quickly. This is very important for future custody disputes. If you have to leave them for a short time, go back and get them as soon as possible. Get a police escort if you are afraid you will be hurt when you return. But remember, the police cannot decide who will be able to keep the children.
YOU ARE STRONG
You need to remind yourself that you are strong. No one has the right to abuse you. Violence is not a private family affair. It is criminal behavior. There is no excuse for abuse.